Happy Birthday Ian!

One this day one year ago I gave birth to my one and only son. The little piece of chunk that I now call my baby man. This past year has really flown by so quickly. I think it has been all of the changes in my life. Let's back up a bit and start from the beginning. When I first found out I was pregnant Tim had been gone for about 6 weeks. We were wanting and planning to have another baby and were trying. I was so worried and scared about what was going to happen. Since having Abi I had 2 miscarriages, one of which was very bad. The Doctor's had told us that it was possible, but not likely with the amount of scar tissue that I had. The only thing we could do was try. I was laying on the couch sometime in February of 2011 and like I said Tim was deployed. I was feeling something awful and had been for a few days. I just could not shake it and ended up calling my mom to come watch Abi for me for a few days. I was going to make a Dr. appt and find out what was going on with me. I knew I was not pregnant considering I had taken a pregnancy test and it was negative. So when I went to the doc and found out that I was in fact pregnant I was elated! I immediately rushed home and sent Tim an email and let him know. I waited to make sure that he got the email and then I started letting everyone else know. I got all of my medical stuff set up and made it to my first Dr. visit. I got to see my little peanut on the ultrasound and got my due date (originally September 8th). After 2 weeks they had bumped my due date back to September 13th and started telling me that my blood work was not coming up correct and it would appear that something was wrong. Everything seemed to be measuring correctly, but my bloodwork was off. I started weekly visits where blood was drawn everytime, as well as urine twice a visit to check for everything. I remember it vividly on March 21 my Dr. called me and said that some bloodwork had come back and Ian was positive for Down Syndrome. She told me that with my history of complicated pregnancy it would be unlikely I would carry full term, and in the event that I did with my and Timmy's family medical history he would most likely not live past the age of three. We found out that children with down syndrome often have heart defects. Heart defects already run pretty deep on both sides of our family. At this point we did not feel that our baby stood a chance. Then the doc hit me with the news that perhaps I needed to consider abortion. I was astonished to hear that come out of her mouth. My mind at the time was racing in a million different directions, but abortion just wasn't one of them. I wanted this baby, I tried for this baby, I was having this baby. I just wasn't sure how I was going to make it through this. My husband was on mission and on the other side of the world. I could not get in contact with him and tell him what was going on and what this meant. I dredged on without him... I set up an appointment with one of the best Pediatric Units from Sacred Heart hospital and Dr. Dobek and his staff helped turn that pregnancy completely around. After my first visit they did an ultrasound and some other work and found out that Ian in fact did not have Down Syndrome. I was so relieved I cried right there in front of everyone. That was also the first time we found out he was in fact a boy, and got our first real take home pictures to show to Tim!

After finishing up with them I had a follow up with my OB and I found out that what had actually happened was they had mixed up my paperwork with another patient. They put her due dates on my chart and vice versa. They actually thought I was a month further along than I was. Tim and I agreed it was time to get a new Dr. So I made the trek to see Dr. Bowen. Who without a doubt is my favorite ever and has delivered both of my children! I faced a ton of other trials while pregnant with my son. I ended up also with high blood pressure as well as gestational diabetes. I gladly did what I had to do to make sure my little man was taken care of. After finally being induced with him everyone was telling me how quick it would be. I was admitted to the hospital at 2 pm and they were all telling me he would be here by dinner. They were wrong. At 2 the next morning they came in and took me off the drip and said they were going to let me get some rest. They let me know that in the morning they were going to let me go home and we would just have to wait unless I chose to have a c-section. So I went to sleep and then I woke up at 4 to the oddest feeling....MY WATER HAD BROKE! I mashed the button and called the nurse in there, told her what happened and she told me that it wasn't possible, I wasn't even registering contractions. I informed her that without a doubt I felt it, she checked and surely enough it had. She set me back up on fluids, checked me and said that I still was not really dilated enough to have him. I needed to wait about another hour that way I would not have to push as much. The contractions started. Let me tell you for all the ladies out there who HAVE NOT felt them.... they really hurt. They have not even made a word yet for how much hurt that is. The nurse kept insisting that I could not be feeling them b/c of the epidural. I said a slew of dirty words, I believe something to the effect of "GO fuck a menstrating monkey" but I was hurting so I am really unclear. (I did apologize later) I kept letting them know I needed to push. I could feel him and I needed to push. No one came.... I yelled at Tim and told him to get ready, our son was coming out and he needed to catch. Not even joking I told him that. He rang for the nurse and they came in. He told them that I was ready. Again the nurse said that I wasn't, but she would check and see how close I was. She put on her gloves, lifted the covers and her eyes got big. She yelled to call the Dr. I asked what, and she said, "Oh there's his head!" It took them less than a minute to get everything ready, and less than a push to get him here. Now a whole year later we have laughed, we have cried. We have come so far and done so many things. So many months ago I was scared that he would never make it here, and now I am so thankful for every day that I get to spend with him. Tim and I have since decided that we are totally done with having children. We are blessed to have the two we have here with us and the two we did not get to meet. So here is my little man over the past year! HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN NICHOLAS CAIN! Born September 24th 2011

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By any other name....

It does not matter what you call this time of year I love it. Wether it's Autumn or Fall it is without a doubt my favorite time of year. I love everything about it! I love soup, I love the cooler weather. I love sitting around a fire and talking about everything that has happened through the year, and what our plans for the next will be. Since having children it also serves for the only time that I get to really cuddle anymore. I also love all of the warm colors. The reds with the oranges and the browns. The smells are amazing. In my car I have pumpkin, and in my house it's spiced apple. I really can not think of one bad thing about this part of the year! I enjoy it so much that for dinner a few days ago I actually made Thanksgiving dinner. Dumplings, sweet potato's, the whole deal. To make this part of the year even better BOTH of my children were born this time of year! I spend so much time making sure that they have a great birthday. This will of course be Ian's first. Every year for Abi's birthday I try to have an outside party for her weather permitting. We make sure to buy lots of outside toys to really get out and enjoy this perfect weather! This time of year takes entirely too much time to get here, and is gone entirely too fast! It is about time to start breaking out the Halloween stuff, and then I will have to fight myself to not put up the Christmas stuff. I wish it could be this time of year all year long!

It's been a while...

For starters I am terrible about social media of any type. That includes Facebook as well as blogging. I may check them everyday, but most days I can not seem to summon the energy to just say something. My kids certainly aid in keeping me busy and on my toes. I really have a hard time finding a spare minute. Since having children there really is no extra time sometimes. I don't mind anymore. I think occasionally I have those freak out moments where I just want to be me for a little while. I don't want to have to think about and worry about the words that come out of my mouth or the things that I do. I want to be lazy! My daughter has gotten to the age where she is picking up things left and right. You have to be absolutely careful what you say and do around her. If you do not want it coming out of her mouth, then you should not have it come out of yours. Tonight as a matter of fact she had a whole long speech about turds. Yep, turds. I think through a mixture of embarrassment and exhaustion all I could manage to do was laugh. My son on the other hand does not seem to be as advanced at his age as I think he should be. I know that children learn things at a different time. I really think that I am basing what he should be doing off of what Abi did. Abi was on the go very early, and Ian has always seemed lazy. From the get go Abi was impatient. I went into labor with her the first time when I was only 7 months pregnant. Through this great medical technology (and a shot in my rear) labor was stopped and she carefully waited the last few weeks. I do not believe at all that she was happy about this considering she had not fully made her way in the world before she was screaming. The Doc almost dropped her because she meant she was angry! Ian on the other hand at 40 weeks was still sitting pretty. He had no reason to come out. I had to be induced and even then it took 16 hours of very painful labor before he gave up the fight. Ever since then he has just taken his time. On the one hand I am so thankful that I get this chance to baby him for so long. When my babies are not babies anymore I know I will be terribly upset. For now I just enjoy everyday the best I can. The big man is awake again so it is time to go. Hopefully this will be an easy fix, and if it is not oh well.