Hormones Hormones go away, come again another day!

I have hit that hormone surge for the first time I think in this pregnancy. I have been crying for the past 2 days over absolutely NOTHING!! I went on youtube to look up some videos and stuff to remind me of "happier" times and still bawled my eyes out. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that I feel lonely. Even though I have this little person growing inside me my heart is on the other side of the world. Nothing can take the place of that one special person in your life...my daughter is something different. I LOVE LOVE LOVE spending time with her, and just seeing her smile is enough to make me believe there can't possibly be any bad left in the world. Then I have that ever dreaded time to myself...ya know that time where you start to think about EVERYTHING that isn't going how you think it should be. You think about all of the things that you need to get done, and for those that have been pregnant before you realize exactly how short of a time frame 9 months is when you have to prepare to bring a new life in the world. Going through this alone has made me realize exactly how little time I have. I have to buy the baby stuff, and do all of the paperwork and make all of these decisions on my own. I didn't remember having to decide all of the things BEFORE delivery with Abi. I had to turn in paperwork already about who I wanted in the delivery room, whether or not my husband would be staying overnight with me. Whether or not I wanted to breast feed or have my baby stay in my room with me all the time. Decisions that aren't easy to make...and to some people these seem like no brainers. HOWEVER I don't know where my husband is going to be come delivery time. What if he has been sent to the other side of the country for something. Just b/c I have a due date of Sept 30 doesn't mean that is when the baby is going to come. I am not a big planner in the first place. Life has taught me that you can't really plan for things. You can hope and pray that things go how you want and expect them to, but that rarely happens. I am sure that my husband will want to be in the delivery room, and I am sure that he is going to want to stay over night, but that doesn't mean that he will be able to. Yes I want my baby in my room with me all the time, but I don't know what delivery is going to be like so I don't know that I will be able to take care of my baby. There are so many unforseen circumnstances that they ask you to prepare for and it is utterly impossible to account for everything. After losing my last child I decided then and there to just take things day by day, and be grateful for what time I do have, and not worry about the time that I don't know about. I can't stress out about the things that may or may not happen. It makes life irritating, and it makes me angry. As it is now, I am stuck at home, my husband is on the other side of the world and I may hear from him and I may not. I have his family down my throat wanting to know what is going on with him, and I don't know how many times I can tell them that I don't know before it sinks in. I have a very irritating life right now, and no one to share it with. These hormones have almost beaten me into submission >< I have a good deal of chinese food, and some buttered pecan ice cream, and they will by far be my escape for at least the next 24 hours. Here's to hoping that this pounding headache and sickness goes away!

What do you do when your Dr. farts?

So today was my first actual face to face visit with my new OB, and I stand by my previous judgement of not being too overly happy with the office. I will say today was sure alot more fun than previous visits. Actually got to see the little one for the first time, which is always a pleasure for any parent. Still too little to hear the heartbeat but I could see the heart beating. With previous bad experiences with pregnancy this is always a comforting thought. After my ultrasound I get to walk over to the waiting room to actually see the doc, and surprisingly they got me back there fairly quickly. I took ANOTHER pregnancy test, and they took some blood, and then I talk the dreaded walk to the room and you know what's coming next. I think sometimes they like to see how long you will sit in there and stew on the inevitable bits that are about to happen...of course they get the easy part. I am sure that I am not the only woman that is uncomfortable with being spread eagle in front of someone that they are meeting for the first time, and really wish that the doc would have come and met me my first visit in the office so it wouldn't have been so awkward. I am also sure that I am not the only woman that has ever wondered what is going to creep out during the exam. We are pregnant ladies and those little gas bubbles seem to like to pop at the most awful of times. There I am laying on the table and the doc has started the exam...and then it happened. My doctor farted! It wasn't like a little baby poot...this was one of those curtain moving farts! It also had a little smell to it. I didn't know what to do, whether I should say anything about it. I was worried that I was going to end up being THAT person, and here we find ourselves in this predicament. The exam continues and I am just laying there mortified...she is however going to be the person taking care of my baby and me for the next several months and I don't want to upset her. As she is finishing the exam she decides to address the big fat stinky elephant in the room. She looks at me and says " Ya know with the vantage point I was at, I was glad that was me and not you." I could no longer contain myself. I almost laughed myself off the table, which is of course a good 4 feet off the ground. I didn't mean to laugh, I just could no longer hold it in. She then tells me that when I get dressed I can go ahead and get my next appt date, and that she wants to see me again in 4 weeks. After further consideration she changes it to 6 weeks and then props the door open and leaves. I still had to take a moment to compose myself and try to get dressed around this door that is partially open. When I get ready to leave I grab my paperwork and quickly proceed to the lobby in hopes of getting my next appt time and leaving. As I am passing by my doc's open office door I hear her talking to one of the nurses about the Mexican she had for lunch. So this is now my new rule...I will NO LONGER go see any Doc after lunch. I am just not sure that I can handle that much excitement :D