Hormones Hormones go away, come again another day!

I have hit that hormone surge for the first time I think in this pregnancy. I have been crying for the past 2 days over absolutely NOTHING!! I went on youtube to look up some videos and stuff to remind me of "happier" times and still bawled my eyes out. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that I feel lonely. Even though I have this little person growing inside me my heart is on the other side of the world. Nothing can take the place of that one special person in your life...my daughter is something different. I LOVE LOVE LOVE spending time with her, and just seeing her smile is enough to make me believe there can't possibly be any bad left in the world. Then I have that ever dreaded time to myself...ya know that time where you start to think about EVERYTHING that isn't going how you think it should be. You think about all of the things that you need to get done, and for those that have been pregnant before you realize exactly how short of a time frame 9 months is when you have to prepare to bring a new life in the world. Going through this alone has made me realize exactly how little time I have. I have to buy the baby stuff, and do all of the paperwork and make all of these decisions on my own. I didn't remember having to decide all of the things BEFORE delivery with Abi. I had to turn in paperwork already about who I wanted in the delivery room, whether or not my husband would be staying overnight with me. Whether or not I wanted to breast feed or have my baby stay in my room with me all the time. Decisions that aren't easy to make...and to some people these seem like no brainers. HOWEVER I don't know where my husband is going to be come delivery time. What if he has been sent to the other side of the country for something. Just b/c I have a due date of Sept 30 doesn't mean that is when the baby is going to come. I am not a big planner in the first place. Life has taught me that you can't really plan for things. You can hope and pray that things go how you want and expect them to, but that rarely happens. I am sure that my husband will want to be in the delivery room, and I am sure that he is going to want to stay over night, but that doesn't mean that he will be able to. Yes I want my baby in my room with me all the time, but I don't know what delivery is going to be like so I don't know that I will be able to take care of my baby. There are so many unforseen circumnstances that they ask you to prepare for and it is utterly impossible to account for everything. After losing my last child I decided then and there to just take things day by day, and be grateful for what time I do have, and not worry about the time that I don't know about. I can't stress out about the things that may or may not happen. It makes life irritating, and it makes me angry. As it is now, I am stuck at home, my husband is on the other side of the world and I may hear from him and I may not. I have his family down my throat wanting to know what is going on with him, and I don't know how many times I can tell them that I don't know before it sinks in. I have a very irritating life right now, and no one to share it with. These hormones have almost beaten me into submission >< I have a good deal of chinese food, and some buttered pecan ice cream, and they will by far be my escape for at least the next 24 hours. Here's to hoping that this pounding headache and sickness goes away!